CHAT BOX

Monday, December 28, 2009

Q & A Jokes

Joke: What do women and police cars have in common?

Question. What do women and police cars have in common?


Answer. They both make a lot of noise to let you know they are coming.


Joke: What did the potato chip say to the battery?


Question. What did the potato chip say to the battery?

Answer. If you’re Eveready, I’m Frito Lay.






Joke: How many animals can you get into a pair of tights?

Question. How many animals can you get into a pair of tights?

Answer. 10 little piggies, 2 calves, 1 beaver, 1 ass, 1 pussy, thousands of hares and a dead fish no one can ever find.

Joke: How does a man show that he is planning for the future?

Question. How does a man show that he is planning for the future?

Answer. He buys 2 cases of beer instead of one.

Joke: How do you make a snooker table laugh?

Question. How do you make a snooker table laugh?

Answer. Put your hands in its pocket and tickle its balls.






Joke: How do lesbians handle their liquor?

Question. How do lesbians handle their liquor?

Answer. By the ears. (Lick her)

Joke: How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?

Question. How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?

Answer. When his hand caught on fire.



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Wednesday, December 23, 2009

The Things you should not tell it to girlfriend.

10. Come on, who's gonna find out?

9. I promise you wont choke.

8. Can I get you in the pooper?

7. Trust me, I'm a professional.

6. Well, your sister likes it like that.

5. Wow look at the ass on her!

4. Now why cant your boobs be that big?

3. I gotta poop.

2. Oh you forgot to shave today too?

1. I think the condom broke 10 minutes ago.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Visit http://www.ipligence.com

புது பொண்ணு அனுபவம்...

புதுசா கல்யானம் ஆன ஒரு பொண்ணுகிட்ட அவ அம்மா கேட்டா....

"உன் செக்ஸ் வாழ்க்கை எப்படிம்மா இருக்கு???"

பொண்ணோட பதில்.." இந்தியன் ஏர்லைன்ஸ் மாதிரி இருக்கும்மா..."ன்னு...
அம்மா காரிக்கு புரியல....இருந்தலும் பரவாயில்லன்னு உட்டுடா....

ஒருநாள கடை தெருவுல ஒரு போஸ்டர பார்தா....

"இந்தியன் ஏர்லைன்ஸ்..விமான போக்குவரத்து....ஒரு நாளைக்கும் மூனு தடவை...வரத்திற்கு ஏழு நாள்.....மற்றும்.. சிறப்பு சமயங்களிலும்....."

அப்பதான் புரிஞ்சுது அவ மக சொன்னது.....................

ஓரு சுவையான கதை....

ஒரு முறை அமெரிக்க ரானுவ வீரன் ஈராக்கில் தீவிரவாதிகளிடம் சிக்கிக்கொண்டான்.அவனை கொல்ல நினைத்த தீவிரவாதிகள் உன் கடைசி ஆசை என்ன என்று கேட்டார்கள்...

அவன் - " நான் புள்ள குட்டி காரனுங்கோ... என்ன வுட்டுருங்கோ.. இனிமேல் தலவச்சும் இங்க படுக்கமாட்டேனுங்கோ.. " என்று கெஞ்சினான்.. பரிதாபபட்ட தீவிரவாதிகள்.."சரி நாங்க ஒரு பரிட்சை வைப்போம் அதுல ஜெயிச்சா உன்ன விடுதலை பன்னுறோம் "னான்..

பரிச்சை என்னான்னா? மூனு கூடாரம் இருக்கு...அதுல முதல் கூடாரத்துல பத்து ஒயின் பாட்டல் இருக்கு...ரென்னாவதுல...ஒரு பல்லு வலி இருக்குற புலி இருக்கு..... மூனாவதுல.. .ரொம்ப நாளா செக்ஸ் வச்சிகாத ஒரு பொன்னு இருக்கா

நீ என்ன பன்னனும்னா....மொதல்ல பத்து பட்டில் ஒயினையும் குடிக்கனும்.. அப்புரம்... அந்த பல்லு வலி இருக்கிற புலியோட பல்ல புடிங்கனும்..அப்புரம் அந்த பொண்ண திருப்தி படுத்தனும்.. இது மூனையும் முடிச்சிடேன்னா...ஒன்ன விடுவிக்கிறோம்னு தீவிரவாதி தலைவன்... சொன்னான்

ஒத்துகிட்ட ரானுவ வீரன்.. மொத கூடரத்துகுள்ள போனான்.. போயி மடக் மடக்ன்னு எல்லா ஒயினையும் குடிச்சான்.. தள்ளாடிக்கிட்டே வெளிய வந்த அவ்ன் அடுத்த் புலி..கூடாரத்துக்குள்ள போனான்.. கொஞ்ச நேரத்துல.. "கொஞ்சம் பொறுத்துக்க... மொதல்ல வலிக்கும் அப்புரம். ஒன்னும் செய்யாது... மெதுவா.. மெதுவா..."ன்னு கேட்டுச்சாம்...புலியோட உறுமல் கேட்டுக்கிட்டே இருந்திச்சாம்...கடைசியா... புலி "உர்ர்ர்ர்ர்...."னு கத்திட்டு அடங்கிடுச்சாம்... தள்ளாடிகிட்டா வெளிய வந்த அவன் கேட்டானே ஒரு கேள்வி.....

'டே...ய்.....பல்லு வலி இருக்கிற பொம்பளயோட கூடாரம் எங்....க........இருக்குடா......"


அதிர்ச்சியில எல்லாரும் மயங்கிட்டாங்க...இவன் தப்பிச்சிடான்.....

சொர்கம் நரகம்

இரண்டு நன்பர்கள் இறந்த பின்.....

ஒருவன் சொர்கத்திற்க்கும், ஒருவன் நரகத்திற்கும் அனுப்பப்பட்டான்....

சொர்கத்திலிருந்தவனுக்கு நாள் முழுவதும் வேலை.. ஆனால் நல்ல உணவு..

ஒருநாள் அவன் நரகத்தை எட்டிப்பார்து அதிர்ந்து போனான்..

அவனது நரகத்திலிருந்த நன்பன், ஒரு கையில் பெண்னும் ஒருகையில் மது பாட்டிலும் வைத்து அலைந்து கொண்டிருந்தான்...

அதை பார்த்து கோபம் கொண்ட அவன் வேகமாக கடவுளை பார்த்து கேட்டான்.. "ஏன் கடவுளே உனக்கே இது அடுக்குமா...நரகத்தில் அவன் வேலை எதுவும் செய்யாமல் சும்மா அலைந்து கொண்டிருக்கிறான்.. அதுமட்டுமா... ஒரு கையில் குட்டி.. இன்னொரு கையில் புட்டி..."

அதை கேட்ட கடவுள் சொல்கிறார்..."அற்ப மானிடனே... நன்றாக பார்.. அவன் கையிலிருக்கும் புட்டியில் ஓட்டை இருக்கிறது.. ஆனால் பெண்ணிடம் இல்லை..... அது தான் நரகம்.. போ போ வேலையை பார்..." என்றாராம்...

Saturday, September 26, 2009

குட்டி பையன் சந்தேகம்.....

குட்டி பையன்: டீச்சர்... எத்தனை வயதில் குழந்தை பிறக்கும்.... சொல்லுங்க டீச்சர்......

டீச்சர்..: ஆண்களுக்கு குறைஞ்சது 18 வயசு... பெண்களுக்கு... குறைஞ்சது 20 வயசு...கண்டிப்பா ஆயிருக்கனும் குழந்தை பிறக்க.....

குட்டி பையன்.: கேட்டியா.....ப்ரியா....பயப்படாதேன்னு... சொன்னேன்ல......






கடிகார காத்தாடி.....

பூமியில் இறந்த ஒரு கல்லூரி இளஞன் ஒருவன் நரகத்திற்கு செல்கிறான்.....

அங்கு மெயின் ஹாலில்...பல கடிகாரங்கள் வைக்கப்பட்டிருந்தன.......

சந்தேகம் வந்த அவன்.....அருகில் இருந்த ஒரு அரக்கனிடம் கேட்கிறான்...

" இங்கு ஏன் இத்தனை கடிகாரங்கள்..இருக்கிறது?" என்று...

"அது ஒன்றுமில்லை....பூமியில் ஒவ்வொருவன் கை அடிக்கும் போது...அவனது கடிகாரதில் உள்ள பெரிய முள் ஒரு முறை சுற்றும்..." என்று பதில் சொன்னான்.


"அது சரி...எமன் அருகில் ஒரு கடிகாரம் இருக்கிறதே அது என்ன?.. அது ஏன் இங்கே இருக்கிறது? " என்று கேட்டான்....


அரக்கன் சொன்னான்......

" உனது கடிகாரத்தை தான் அவர் காத்தாடியாக பயன் படுத்திக்கொண்டிறுந்தார்...நீ இறந்த உடன் கவலையாக இருக்கிறார்......." என்று.....






நல்லியுடன் பானை....

தொப்பை அதிகம் உள்ள நடுதர வர்க ஆசாமி ஒருவர் காலை நேரத்தில் கடற்கரை ஓரமாக ஜாக்கிங் செய்து கொண்டிருந்தார்.......

எதிரில் வந்த ஒரு குறூம்புகார இளம் வயது கல்லூரி பெண் கேட்டாள்....

" ஹலோ.....பானை என்ன விலை?" என்று.....

ஆசாமியின் பதில்.....

" நல்லியோடு சேர்த்து......நாலயிரம் ரூபாய்......" என்று.......



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கடவுளே...கடவுளே...கடவுளே......









ஒரு முறை ஒரு PROSTITUTE தனது அந்தரங்க உறுப்பில் பிரச்சனையை பற்றி ஒரு DOCTORரிடம் CONSULT செய்ய சென்றிருந்தாள்.


காலை விரித்து பரிசோதித்த DOCTOR சொன்னார்.

கடவுளே...கடவுளே...கடவுளே.....கடவுளே.........என்று....

இதை கேட்ட பெண்." ஏன் DOCTOR இத்தனை முறை கடவுளே என்று சொல்றீங்க? " என்று.

DOCTOR சொன்னார்...."நான் ஒரு முறை தான் சொன்னேன் மற்றவை எல்லாம் உள்ளே இருந்து வந்த ECHO என்று...........



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Sunday, April 19, 2009

Tamil recorded phone conversation 2

Click

HERE

TO DOWNLOAD THE SECOND FILE






Tamil phone sex recorded audio 1

Click

here

to download the Tamil recorded phone speech

Radio Game




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This story occurred on Melbourne radio last week. One of the FM stations has a competition where they ring someone up, ask them three personal questions, ring their spouse or partner, ask them the same three questions, if the answers are the same, the couple win an overseas holiday. Last week the competition went like this:

Presenter: Hey its XXX-FM, do you want to play the game?

Brian: Yeah, sure.
Presenter: O.K., Question 1 - When was the last time you had sex?
Brian: Ha Ha, well, about 8 o'clock this morning.

Presenter: And how long did it go for Brian?
Brian: Hmmmmm .... about 10 minutes.
Presenter:10 minutes? Good one. And where did you do it?
Brian: Ohhhh , I can't say that.
Presenter: There's a holiday to Bali at stake here Brian!
Brian: O.K. ... O.K. ... On the kitchen table.

Presenter:(and others in the room - much laughter). Good one Brian, now is it O.K. for us to call your wife?
Brian: Yeah, alright.

Presenter: Hi Sharelle, how are you?
Sharelle: Hi. Good thanks.

Presenter: (Explains competition again) We've got Brian on the other line, say hello.
Sharelle: Hi Brian.
Brian: Hi Sharelle.

Presenter: Now Sharelle, we're going to ask you the same three questions we asked Brian and if you give the same answers, you win a trip for two to Bali.

Brian: Just tell the truth Honey.
Sharelle: O.K.

Presenter: Sharelle, when was the last time you had sex?
Sharelle: Oohhhh, noooooo. I can't say that on radio.
Brian: Sharelle, it doesn't matter. I've already told them.
Sharelle: O.K. ... About 8:00 this morning before Brian went to work.

Presenter: Good, nice start! Next question. How long did it go for Sharelle?
Sharelle: (giggling) About 12, maybe 15 minutes.
Co-Presenter: That's close enough ... Brian was just being a gentleman.

Presenter: O.K. Sharelle, final question. Where did you do it?
Sharelle: Oh no I can't say that. My mum could be listening. No way, no.
Presenter: There's a trip to Bali on the line here.
Brian: Sharelle, I've already told them so it doesn't matter anyway.. just tell em.

Sharelle: Ohhhh .... alright .... Up the ass!

Radio Silence






Pat and Mick at the barber shop



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Pat and Mick were being shaved by the barber in the barber shop. The barber started to put aftershave on Pat's face.
"Don't put that stinkin' stuff on me!" exclaimed Pat. "My wife will think I smell like a brothel!"
Then it was Mick's turn. "You can put as much aftershave on me as you like. My wife doesn't know what a brothel smells like!



Lesbian being examined by gynaecologist

Everything's neat and tidy in there", said the gynaecologist after the examination.
"So it should be", said the lesbian. "I have a woman in twice a week



For Advantages for Breast Milk




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The student - not necessarily a well-prepared student - sat in his life science classroom staring at a question on the final exam paper. The question directed: “Give four advantages of breast milk.”

What to write? He sighed, and began to scribble whatever came into his head, hoping for the best:

1. No need to boil.

2. Cats can’t steal it.

3. Available whenever necessary.

Um. So far so good - maybe. But the exam demanded a four-part answer. Again, what to write?

Once more he sighed. He frowned. He scowled. Then sighed again. But suddenly, he brightened. He grabbed his pen, and triumphantly he scribbled his definitive answer:

4. Available in attractive containers





HOW PROFESSIONALS DO SEX


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ACCOUNTANTS are good with figures.

ACTORS do it on cue.

ADVERTISERS use the "new, improved" method.

AMBULANCE DRIVERS come quicker.

ANSI does it in the standard way

ARCHEOLOGISTS like it old.

ARCHITECTS have great plans.

ARTISTS are exhibitionists.

ASSEMBLY LINE WORKERS do it over and over.

ASTRONOMERS do it with Uranus.

ATTORNEYS make better motions.

AUDITORS like to examine figures.

BABYSITTERS charge by the hour.

BAILIFFS always come to order.

BAKERS knead it daily.




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BAND MEMBERS play all night.

BANKERS do it with interest - penalty for early withdrawal.

BARBERS do it with shear pleasure.

BARTENDERS do it on the rocks.

BASEBALL PLAYERS make it to first base.

BASKETBALL PLAYERS score more often.

BEEKEEPERS like to eat their honey.

BEER BREWERS do it with more hops.

BEER DRINKERS get more head.

BICYCLISTS do it with 10 speeds.

BOOKKEEPERS do it with double entry.

BOSSES delegate the task to others.

BOWLERS have bigger balls.

BRICKLAYERS lay all day.

BRIDGE PLAYERS try to get a rubber.

BUS DRIVERS come early and pull out on time.

BUTCHERS have better meat.

C'Bers do it on the air.

CAMPERS do it in a tent.

CARPENTERS hammer it harder.

CARPET LAYERS do it on the floor.

CHEERLEADERS do it with more enthusiasm.

CHEMISTS like to experiment.

CHESS PLAYERS check their mates.

CHIROPRACTORS do it by manipulation.

CLOCK MAKERS do it mechanically.

CLOWNS do it for laughs.

COACHES whistle while they work.

COBOL PROGRAMMERS do it with bugs.

COCKTAIL WAITRESSES serve highballs.

COMPUTER GAME PLAYERS just can't stop.

COMPUTER OPERATORS get the most out of their software.

CONSTRUCTION WORKERS lay a better foundation.

CONSULTANTS tell other how to do it.

COPS have bigger guns.

COWBOYS handle anything horny.

COWGIRLS like to ride bareback.

CRANE OPERATORS have swinging balls.

CREDIT MANAGERS always collect.




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DANCERS do it in leaps and bounds.

DEADHEADS do it with Jerry.

DEER HUNTERS will do anything for a buck.

DENTAL HYGIENISTS do it till it hurts.

DENTISTS do it in your mouth.

DETECTIVES do it under cover.

DIETICIANS eat better.

DIRECT MAILERS get it in the sack.

DIVERS do it deeper.

DOCTORS do it with patience.

DRUGGISTS fill your prescription.

DRUMMERS do it in 4/4 time.

DRY WALLER'S are better bangers.

ELECTRICIANS check your shorts.

ENGINEERS charge by the hour.

EXECUTIVES have large staffs.

FARMERS spread it around.

FIREMEN are always in heat.

FISHERMEN are proud of their rods.

FOOTBALL PLAYERS are measured by the yard.

FOUR-WHEELERS eat more bush.

FURRIERS appreciate good beaver.

GARBAGE MEN come once a week.

GARDENERS have 50 foot hoses.

GAS STATION ATTENDANTS pump all day.

GEOLOGISTS are great explorers.

GOLFERS do it in 18 holes.

GYMNASTS mount and dismount well.

HACKERS do it with fewer instructions.

HAIRDRESSERS give the best blow jobs.

HAM OPERATORS do it with frequency.

HANDYMEN like good screws.

HEWLETT PACKARD does it with precision.

HORSEBACK RIDERS stay in the saddle longer.

HUNTERS do it with a bang.

INSURANCE SALESMEN are premium lovers.

INTERIOR DECORATORS do it all over the house.

INVENTORS find a way.

JANITORS clean up afterwards.

JEWELERS mount real gems.

JOGGERS do it on the run.

LANDSCAPERS plant it deeper.

LAWYERS do it in their briefs.

LIBRARIANS do it quietly.

LOCKSMITHS can get into anything.

LONG DISTANCE RUNNERS last longer.

MACHINISTS make the best screws.

MAGICIANS are quicker than the eye.

MAINTENANCE MEN sweep 'em off their feet.

MANAGERS supervise others.

MARKETING REPs do it on commission.

MILKMEN deliver twice a week.

MILLIONAIRES pay to have it done.

MINERS sink deeper shafts.

MINISTERS do it on Sundays.

MISSILE MEN have better thrust.




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MODELS do it in any position.

MODEM MANUFACTURERS do it with all sorts of characters.

MOTORCYCLISTS like something hot between their legs.

MOVIE STARS do it on film.

MUSICIANS do it with rhythm.

NONSMOKERS do it without huffing and puffing.

NURSES call the shots.

OCEANOGRAPHERS do it down under.

OPERATORS do it person-to-person.

OPTOMETRISTS do it face-to-face.

PAINTERS do it with longer strokes.

PARAMEDICS PHOTOGRAPHERS do it with a flash.

PHYSICISTS do it with uniform harmonic motion.

PILOTS keep it up longer.

PLUMBERS do it under the sink.

POLICEMEN like big busts.

POLITICIANS do it for 4 years then have to get re-erected.

POSTMEN come slower.

PRINTERS do it without wrinkling the sheets.

PRINTERS reproduce the fastest.

PROCTOLOGISTS do it in the end.

PROFESSORS do it by the book.

RACERS like to come in first.

RACQUETBALL PLAYERS do it off the wall..

RADIO and TV ANNOUNCERS broadcast it.

REAL ESTATE PEOPLE know all the prime spots.

RECYCLERS use it again.

REPAIRMEN can fix anything.

REPORTERS do it daily.

RESEARCHERS are still looking for it.

RETAILERS move their merchandise.

ROOFERS do it on top.

RUNNERS get into more pants.

SAILORS like to be blown.

SALESPEOPLE have away with their tongues.

SCIENTISTS discovered it.

SECRETARIES do it from 9 to 5.

SKYDIVERS are good till the last drop.

SOCCER PLAYERS have leather balls.

SPEECH PATHOLOGISTS are oral specialists.

SPELUNKERS do it underground.

SPORTSCASTERS like an instant replay.

STEWARDESSES do it in the air.

STUDENTS use their heads.

SURGEONS are smooth operators.

TAILORS make it fit.

TAXI DRIVERS do it all over town.

TAXIDERMISTS mount anything.

TELEPHONE CO. EMPLOYEES let their fingers do the walking.

TELLERS can handle all deposits and withdrawals.

TENNIS PLAYERS have fuzzy balls.

TRUCK DRIVERS have bigger dipsticks.

TRUCKERS carry bigger loads.

TYPISTS do it in triplicate.

VETERINARIANS are pussy lovers.

VOLLEYBALL PLAYERS keep it up.

WAITRESSES serve it piping hot.

WATER SKIERS come down harder.

WELDERS have hotter rods.

WRESTLERS know the best holds.

WRITERS have novel ways.

ZOOLOGISTS do it with animal instinct.






WOMENS ENGLISH




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Yes = No

No = Yes

Maybe = No

I’m sorry = You’ll be sorry

We need = I want

It’s your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now

Do what you want = You’ll pay for this later

We need to talk = I need to complain

Sure go ahead = I don’t want you to

I’m not upset = Of course I’m upset, you moron!

You’re so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot

You’re certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs

This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house

I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper

Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!

I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep

Do you love me? = I’m going to ask for something expensive

How much do you love me? = I did something today you’re really not going to like

I’ll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV

Is my butt fat? = Tell me I’m beautiful

You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me

Are you listening to me!? = Too late, you’re dead

Was that the baby? = Why don’t you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep

I’m not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important

The same old thing = Nothing

Nothing = Everything

Everything = My PMS is acting up

Nothing, really = It’s just that you’re such an asshole






Three guys talking of control over wives




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There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remains quiet.

After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says,

“Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?”

The third fellow says “I’ll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees.”

The first two guys were amazed. “What happened then?” they asked. “She said, ‘get out from under the bed and fight like a man’.





Calories burnt for various sexual tasks



REMOVING HER CLOTHES:
With her consent....................... 12 Calories
Without her consent.................... 187 Calories

OPENING HER BRA:
With both hands........................ 8 Calories
With one hand.......................... 12 Calories
With your teeth........................ 85 Calories
With your teeth through her shirt.....108 Calories

PUTTING ON THE CONDOM:
With an erection....................... 6 Calories
Without an erection.................... 315 Calories

PRELIMINARIES:
Trying to find the clitoris............ 8 Calories
Trying to find the G-Spot.............. 92 Calories

POSITIONS:
Missionary..................................... 12 Calories
69 lying down............................... 78 Calories
69 standing up............................. 112 Calories
Wheelbarrow................................ 216 Calories
Doggy Style............................ .....326 Calories
Italian chandelier. (just look it up).. 912 Calories

ORGASMING:
Real................................... 112 Calories
False.................................. 315 Calories

POST ORGASM:
Lying in bed hugging................... 18 Calories
Getting up immediately................. 36 Calories
Explaining why you got out of bed immediately......816 Calories

GETTING A SECOND ERECTION:
If you are:
20-29 years old........................ 36 Calories
30-39 years............................ 80 Calories
40-49 years............................ 124 Calories
50-59 years............................ 972 Calories
60-69 years............................ 2916 Calories
70 and over......................... Results are still pending

DRESSING UP AFTERWARDS:
Calmly................................. 32 Calories
In a hurry............................. 98 Calories
With her father knocking at the door... 1218 Calories
With your wife knocking at the door.... 3521 Calorie




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Sunday, March 29, 2009

Exclusive Drilling Rights....!





Torming into his lawyer’s office, a Texas oil magnate demanded that divorce proceedings begin at once against his young bride.

“What’s the problem?” asked the lawyer.




“I want to hit that adulterin’ bitch for breach of contract,” snapped the oil man.

“I don’t know if that will fly,” said the lawyer. “I mean your wife isn’t a piece of property, you don’t own her!”

“Damn right,” the tycoon rejoined, “but I sure as hell expect exclusive drillin’ rights!”





TOP 10 Dirty things in GOLF...





10. Nuts… my shaft is bent.

9. After 18 holes I can barely walk.

8. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker.

7. Look at the size of his putter.

6. Keep your head down and spread your legs a bit more.

5. Mind if I join your threesome?

4. Stand with your back turned and drop it.

3. My hands are so sweaty I can’t get a good grip

2. Nice stroke, but your follow through has a lot to be desired.

1. Hold up… I need to wash my balls first.








Small Penis Size ?




A young man went to the psychiatrist complaining that he was getting married and he was worried about the small size of his penis. The psychiatrist advised him to go and stay on a dairy farm, and every morning, dip his penis in milk and get is sucked by a calf.
Some time later, the young man met the psychiatrist in the street.
"How's the marriage going?", asked the psychiatrist.
"I never got married", said the young man. "I cancelled it and bought the calf."








Superman fucking wonder women




One sunny Sunday, Superman was flying around with nothing to do, so he decided to drop in on Batman.
"Hi, Bat", said Superman, "let's go down the pub and have a beer."
"Not today, Super. My Batmobile's broken down and I've got to fix it. Can't fight crime without it, you know."
Disappointed, Superman went over to Spiderman's place.
"Let's go down the pub for a drink, Spider."
"Sorry Super. I've got a problem with my web gun. Can't fight without it, you know."
Dejectedly, Superman took to the air again, and decided to drop by on Wonder Woman. There she was, lying on her back out on her balcony, stark naked and writhing around. Superman conceived a cunning idea. "Everyone says I'm faster than a speeding bullet, and I've always wondered what sort of screw she'd be'.
So he zoomed down, did her in a flash and zoomed off.
What the hell was that!", cried Wonder Woman.
"I don't know, but it hurt like hell!" said the Invisible Man.








Defenition of Kisses





Professors of different subjects define the same word in different ways:

Prof. of Computer Science:
A kiss is a few bits of love compiled into a byte.

Prof. of Algebra:
A kiss is two divided by nothing.

Prof. of Geometry:
A kiss is the shortest distance between two straight lines.

Prof. of Physics:
A kiss is the contraction of mouth due to the expansion of the heart.

Prof. of Chemistry:
A kiss is the reaction of the interaction between two hearts.

Prof. of Zoology:
A kiss is the interchange of unisexual salivary bacteria.

Prof. of Physiology:
A kiss is the juxtaposition of two orbicular ors muscles in the state of contraction.

Prof. of Dentistry:
A kiss is infectious and antiseptic.

Prof. of Accountancy:
A kiss is a credit because it is profitable when returned.

Prof. of Economics:
A kiss is that thing for which the demand is higher than the supply.

Prof. of Statistics:
A kiss is an event whose probability depends on the vital statistics of 36-24-36.

Prof. of Philosophy:
A kiss is the persecution for the child, ecstasy for the youth and homage for the old.

Prof. of English:
A kiss is a noun that is used as a conjunction; it is more common than proper; it is spoken in the plural and it is applicable to all.

Prof. of Engineering:
Uh, What? I'm not familiar with that term.






Difference between Indian and Americal Democracy.




Q. What is the difference between Indian and American democracy?

A. In India you can shit in public but you can't kiss in public. In America you can kiss in public but you can't shit in public!









The Legend of Cigarettes.




I am Peter Stuyvesant
I have two friends, Benson and Hedges
I came from the city of Malrboro
In the Salem high country
I always carry a Mild Seven
I rode on a White Horse
Going to Kingsway in Kent
It was Lucky Strike I fell in love
With the daughter of Master Duke
Her name was YSL
We got married by Perillys, the priest
We checked in at the house of Dunhill
And book into room number 555
I laid her on the bed made of Gold Leaf
I played with her two Matterhorns
When I poked in my Rothmans King Size
She cried in delight, "You are a Rough Rider!!!"
You are riding like a mad Camel
When I asked her if she is satisfied
She answered, "I want More!!!!!"








Friday, March 27, 2009

MARRIED GIRL WITH HER LOVIER


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A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. “Hurry!” she said, “stand in the corner.” She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder. “Dont move until I tell you to,” she whispered. “Just pretend youre a statue.”

“Whats this, honey?” the husband inquired as he entered the room. “Oh, its just a statue,” she replied nonchalantly. “The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too.”



No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when they went to sleep. Around two in the morning the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk.

“Here,” he said to the statue, “eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Smiths for three days and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water