CHAT BOX

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Exclusive Drilling Rights....!





Torming into his lawyer’s office, a Texas oil magnate demanded that divorce proceedings begin at once against his young bride.

“What’s the problem?” asked the lawyer.




“I want to hit that adulterin’ bitch for breach of contract,” snapped the oil man.

“I don’t know if that will fly,” said the lawyer. “I mean your wife isn’t a piece of property, you don’t own her!”

“Damn right,” the tycoon rejoined, “but I sure as hell expect exclusive drillin’ rights!”





TOP 10 Dirty things in GOLF...





10. Nuts… my shaft is bent.

9. After 18 holes I can barely walk.

8. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker.

7. Look at the size of his putter.

6. Keep your head down and spread your legs a bit more.

5. Mind if I join your threesome?

4. Stand with your back turned and drop it.

3. My hands are so sweaty I can’t get a good grip

2. Nice stroke, but your follow through has a lot to be desired.

1. Hold up… I need to wash my balls first.








Small Penis Size ?




A young man went to the psychiatrist complaining that he was getting married and he was worried about the small size of his penis. The psychiatrist advised him to go and stay on a dairy farm, and every morning, dip his penis in milk and get is sucked by a calf.
Some time later, the young man met the psychiatrist in the street.
"How's the marriage going?", asked the psychiatrist.
"I never got married", said the young man. "I cancelled it and bought the calf."








Superman fucking wonder women




One sunny Sunday, Superman was flying around with nothing to do, so he decided to drop in on Batman.
"Hi, Bat", said Superman, "let's go down the pub and have a beer."
"Not today, Super. My Batmobile's broken down and I've got to fix it. Can't fight crime without it, you know."
Disappointed, Superman went over to Spiderman's place.
"Let's go down the pub for a drink, Spider."
"Sorry Super. I've got a problem with my web gun. Can't fight without it, you know."
Dejectedly, Superman took to the air again, and decided to drop by on Wonder Woman. There she was, lying on her back out on her balcony, stark naked and writhing around. Superman conceived a cunning idea. "Everyone says I'm faster than a speeding bullet, and I've always wondered what sort of screw she'd be'.
So he zoomed down, did her in a flash and zoomed off.
What the hell was that!", cried Wonder Woman.
"I don't know, but it hurt like hell!" said the Invisible Man.








Defenition of Kisses





Professors of different subjects define the same word in different ways:

Prof. of Computer Science:
A kiss is a few bits of love compiled into a byte.

Prof. of Algebra:
A kiss is two divided by nothing.

Prof. of Geometry:
A kiss is the shortest distance between two straight lines.

Prof. of Physics:
A kiss is the contraction of mouth due to the expansion of the heart.

Prof. of Chemistry:
A kiss is the reaction of the interaction between two hearts.

Prof. of Zoology:
A kiss is the interchange of unisexual salivary bacteria.

Prof. of Physiology:
A kiss is the juxtaposition of two orbicular ors muscles in the state of contraction.

Prof. of Dentistry:
A kiss is infectious and antiseptic.

Prof. of Accountancy:
A kiss is a credit because it is profitable when returned.

Prof. of Economics:
A kiss is that thing for which the demand is higher than the supply.

Prof. of Statistics:
A kiss is an event whose probability depends on the vital statistics of 36-24-36.

Prof. of Philosophy:
A kiss is the persecution for the child, ecstasy for the youth and homage for the old.

Prof. of English:
A kiss is a noun that is used as a conjunction; it is more common than proper; it is spoken in the plural and it is applicable to all.

Prof. of Engineering:
Uh, What? I'm not familiar with that term.






Difference between Indian and Americal Democracy.




Q. What is the difference between Indian and American democracy?

A. In India you can shit in public but you can't kiss in public. In America you can kiss in public but you can't shit in public!









The Legend of Cigarettes.




I am Peter Stuyvesant
I have two friends, Benson and Hedges
I came from the city of Malrboro
In the Salem high country
I always carry a Mild Seven
I rode on a White Horse
Going to Kingsway in Kent
It was Lucky Strike I fell in love
With the daughter of Master Duke
Her name was YSL
We got married by Perillys, the priest
We checked in at the house of Dunhill
And book into room number 555
I laid her on the bed made of Gold Leaf
I played with her two Matterhorns
When I poked in my Rothmans King Size
She cried in delight, "You are a Rough Rider!!!"
You are riding like a mad Camel
When I asked her if she is satisfied
She answered, "I want More!!!!!"








Friday, March 27, 2009

MARRIED GIRL WITH HER LOVIER


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A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. “Hurry!” she said, “stand in the corner.” She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder. “Dont move until I tell you to,” she whispered. “Just pretend youre a statue.”

“Whats this, honey?” the husband inquired as he entered the room. “Oh, its just a statue,” she replied nonchalantly. “The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too.”



No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when they went to sleep. Around two in the morning the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk.

“Here,” he said to the statue, “eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Smiths for three days and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water




GRIL AND DOCTOR

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Girl to Doctor: My mobile got stuck in my vagina since last 4 days in vibration mode.
Doctor: OK, I will remove this easily.
Girl: Just recharge the battery.

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LOVE VS MARRIAGE

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Love is holding hands in the street.

Marriage is holding arguments in the street.

Love is dinner for 2 in your favorite restaurant.
Marriage is a take home packet.



Love is cuddling on a sofa.
Marriage is one of them sleeping on a sofa.

Love is talking about having children.
Marriage is talking about getting away from children.

Love is going to bed early.
Marriage is going to sleep early.

Love is a romantic drive.
Marriage is arrive on tops curvy tarmac.

Love is losing your appetite.
Marriage is losing your figure.

Love is sweet nothing in the ear.
Marriage is sweet nothing in the bank.

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Tv has no place in love.
Marriage is a fight for remote control.

Love is 1 drink and 2 straws.
Marriage is “Don’t you think you’ve had enough!”

Conclusion: “Love is blind , Marriage is an eye opener!”

WHY NEWTON COMMITTED SUICIDE




Here is the reason. Why Newton Committed Suicide…..

Once, Newton came to India and watched a few Tamil movies that had his head spinning. He was convinced that all his logic and laws in physics were just a huge pile of junk and apologized for everything he had done.

In the movie of Rajanikanth, Newton was confused to such an extent that he went paranoid.

Here are a few scenes

1) Rajanikanth has a Brain Tumor which, according to the doctors can’t be cured and his death is imminent. In one of the fights, our great Rajanikanth is shot in the head. To everybody’s surprise, the bullet passes through his ears taking away the tumor along with it and he is cured! Long Live Rajanikanth!

2) In another movie, Rajanikanth is confronted with 3 gangsters. Rajanikanth has a gun but unfortunately only one bullet and a knife. Guess, what he does? He throws the knife at the middle gangster? & shoots the bullet towards the knife. The knife cuts the bullet into 2 pieces, which kills both the gangsters on each side of the middle gangster & the knife kills the middle one.



3) Rajanikanth is chased by a gangster. Rajanikanth has a revolver but no bullets in it. Guess, what he does. Nah? not even in your remotest imaginations. He waits for the gangster to shoot. As soon as the gangster shoots, Rajanikanth opens the bullet compartment of his revolver and catches the bullet. Then, he closes the bullet compartment and fires his gun. Bang… the gangster dies…

This was too much for our Newton to take! He was completely shaken and decided to go back. But he happened to see another movie for one last time, and thought that at least one movie would follow his theory of physics. The whole movie goes fine and Newton is happy that all in the world hasn’t changed. Oops, not so fast!



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The ‘climax’ finally arrives. Rajanikanth gets to know that the villain is on the other side of a very high wall. So high that Rajanikanth can’t jump even if he tries like one of those superman techniques that our heroes normally use. Rajanikanth has to desperately kill the villain because it’s the climax. (Newton dada is smiling since it is virtually impossible?) Rajanikanth suddenly pulls two guns from his pockets. He throws one gun in the air and when the gun has reached above the height of the wall, he uses the second gun and shoots at the trigger of the first gun in air. The first gun fires off and the villain is dead.

Newton commits suicide…

Monday, March 23, 2009

Female Gorilla In Heat Joke

A small Alabama Wild Animal Park acquired a very rare specie of gorilla. Within a few weeks, the gorilla, who was a female, became very difficult to handle. Upon examination, the park veterinarian determined the problem.

The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available.

Reflecting on their problem, the park administrator thought of Eddie, a redneck part-time intern, who was responsible for cleaning the animal’s cages. Eddie, like
most rednecks, had little sense, but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of any species. The park administrator thought they might have a solution.

Eddie was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to mate with the gorilla for $500.00?

Eddie showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully.

The following day, Eddie announced that he would accept their offer, but only under the following 3 conditions.

“First,” he said, “I don’t want to have to kiss her on the lips.” The park administrator quickly agreed to this condition.
“Second,” Eddie said, “you must never tell anyone about this.” The park administrator again readily agreed to this condition.

And last of all Eddie stated “You’ve got to give me another week to come up with the $500.00.”




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Two Eskimos Joke




Two eskimos, a big one and a little one, go to their local Alaskan convent with a question. The big one nudges the little one and says, “Go ahead, knock on the door, knock on the door.”

The Mother Superior answers the door. Again, the big eskimo nudges the little one and says, “Go ahead, ask her the question, ask her the question.”

The little eskimo timidly says, “May we speak with the midget nun that lives here please?”

The Mother Superior answers, “There are no midget nuns living here.”

The big eskimo starts nudging the little one again and says, “Go ahead, ask her the other question, ask her the other question.”



The little eskimo asks in a quavering voice, “Well. Are there any midget nuns in Alaska?”

The Mother Superior responds uncertainly, “Why no, I don’t believe so.”

With this the big eskimo falls down and rolls on the ground, clutching his belly as he laughs uncontrollably. “See”, he says to the little eskimo, “I told you you fucked a penguin!”




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A General Knowledge Joke






Q. How is a condom like a Kodak print?

A. They both capture that special moment.





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Friday, March 20, 2009

Dog Licking the Nuts




There were two guys walking down the street and they saw a dog licking his nuts.


One of the guys said. “Man I wish I could do that”.

Then the other guy said, “Man that dog will bite you!”





teach Sex Education




A elderly, single, third grade teacher was informed she would have to teach sex education.


She was quite upset and refused the assignment. She didn’t think she would actually be able to talk about the subject. Eventually, she changed her mind as the alternative was to be fired.

On the first day of school she drew a woman’s body on the blackboard, pointed to the chest and asked the class “Does anyone know what this is called?”

Jane, who was sitting in the first row, raised her hand and answered “It’s called a ‘breast’ and my mommy has two of them!”




“Very good,” said the teacher. Then she drew a male body on the board, pointed to the groin, and asked “Does anyone know what this is called?”

This time Billy raised his hand. “I know what it is! It’s called a ‘penis’ and my daddy has two of them.”

“That’s the right name,” said the teacher, but I don’t think your daddy has two of them.”

“Yes he does!” said Billy. “He has a little one that he uses to pee, and big one he brushes mommy’s teeth with!”






Viagra Over dosage




Have you heard about the latest death from an overdose of viagra?


It seems a man took twelve viagra pills and his wife died.







SAT - Sex Aptitude Test & Build your Vocablary



1. Snowballing refers to which sexual practice?
a) fucking someone with a popsicle
b) having sex in a walk-in refrigerator
c) after a blow job, passing the cum back and forth from one partner's mouth to the other's
d) jerking off, saving your cum, and freezing it in an ice cube tray

2. Barebacking refers to which sexual practice?
a) unsafe sex without condoms
b) pony play in the nude
c) ejaculating on someone's naked backside
d) intercourse where the woman is on top and rides her partner's cock while yelling "Giddy-up!"



3. Teabagging refers to which sexual practice?
a) ejaculating into someones cup of tea when they aren't looking
b) female masturbation with a soothing herbal teabag
c) placing your scrotum in someone's mouth or on their face
d) soaking your balls in warm liquid

4. Dogging refers to which sexual practice?
a) having sex with a Great Dane
b) intercourse in the doggie style position
c) having sex in outdoor locations where voyeurs may join in
d) barking like a dog during orgasm

5. The Shocker refers to a manual sexual act also known as which of the following?
a) two in the pink and one in the stink
b) two in the coot and one in the boot
c) going to town with one in the brown
d) all of the above

Acronyms

6. The letters MILF stand for which of the following?
a) Men Into Licking Feet
b) Missionary Is Lying Flat
c) Mother I'd Like to Fuck
d) Masturbating Is Like Falling off a log

7. The letters BDSM stand for which of the following?
a) Big Dong, Small Man
b) Bondage and Discipline, Sado-Masochism
c) Big Dicks Suit Me
d) Bend Down and Suck Me

8. The letters DP stand for which of the following?
a) double penetration
b) deep penetration
c) donkey punch
d) dick pump



9. The letters ATM stand for which of the following?
a) Anal Touch Masturbation
b) Automatic Titillation Machine
c) Ass, Tits, Mound
d) Ass-to-Mouth

10. The letter G in G-spot stands which of the following?
a) Girl
b) Grafenberg
c) Genital
d) Glory



Analogies

11. Tossing Salad : Asshole ::
a) Condom : Dick
b) Cunnilingus : Pussy
c) Shaving : Pubic hair
d) Blow job : Tongue

12. Dominatrix : Flogger ::
a) Anna Kournikova : Tennis racquet
b) Daddy : Leather
c) Submissive : Kneeling
d) Foot : Fetish

13. Viagra : Sildenafil Citrate ::
a) Levitra : Cialis
b) Ecstasy : Sextasy
c) Spanish Fly : Yohimbine
d) Poppers : Amyl Nitrate

14. Silicone : Dildo ::
a) Jackrabbit : Vibrator
b) Pegging : Harness
c) Cyberskin : Fake pussy
d) Bottle : Lube

15. Balloon knot : Chocolate starfish ::
a) Masturbation : Ejaculation
b) Dry humping : Intercourse
c) Finger fucking : Deep throating
d) Poonani : Coochie



Math and Logic

16. David has a 12 ounce bottle of Astroglide and a 3 ounce bottle of
Anal-Eze. He masturbates 5 times a day, and each time he uses .25 ounces of
Astroglide. He also has anal sex once a week, using .25 ounces of Anal-Eze.
Which of the following is true?
a) he will run out of Astroglide first
b) he will run out of Anal-Eze first
c) he will run out of Astroglide and Anal-Eze at the same time
d) none of the above

17. Jeff, Ron, and Marco are, not necessarily in this order, a top, a bottom,
and a switch. The top, who is the shortest of the three, is from out of
town. Jeff, who is Ron's neighbor, is taller than the bottom. If the three
of go to a sex party held at Jeff's house, which one will definitely not get fucked?
a) Marco
b) Ron
c) Jeff
d) Not enough information

18. Joyce can reach orgasm in 15 minutes through vaginal intercourse alone.
She can come twice as fast if her clitoris is stimulated also, and if nipple
stimulation is added it will increase the speed with which she reaches
orgasm by another factor of two. If Joyce has a three-way with her husband
and her best friend, and her husband wears a vibrating cockring and bangs
her while her best friend sucks her tits, how quickly will she come?
a) 2 minutes 30 seconds
b) 3 minutes 45 seconds
c) 5 minutes
d) 30 minutes

19. Willie's penis is bigger than Donald's. Albert's penis is smaller than
Willie's, but bigger than Jacob's. Tom's cock is smaller than Jacob's, but
bigger than Donald's. Jacob's meat is bigger than Donald's but smaller than
Albert's. Tom does not have the smallest dick. Albert does not have the
biggest dick. Tom is smaller than both Albert and Willie. Which of them
has the smallest cock?
a) Willie
b) Jacob
c) Donald
d) Tom

20. On Saturday night, Cindy the stripper took home $800. One half of that
amount was from regular tips, and the other half was money she made from
giving lap dances. If she gave 16 lap dances, how much money did she average
per lap dance?
a) $15
b) $17.50
c) $20
d) $25






Two Texans in the Bar




Two Texan are sitting in a small town bar, where one bragged to the other: “You know, I had me every woman in this town, except my mother and my sister.”

“Well,” his buddy replied, “between you and me we got ‘em all.”






The Sign - Joke




A farmer lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as time went by, the traffic slowly built up at an alarming rate. The traffic was so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of three to six a day. So one day he called the sheriff’s office and said, “You’ve got to do something about all of these people driving so fast and killing all of my chickens.”


“What do you want me to do?” asked the sheriff.

“I don’t care, just do something about those drivers!”

So the next day he had the county workers go out and erect a sign that said:

SLOW: SCHOOL CROSSING

Three days later the farmer called the sheriff and said, “You’ve got to do something about these drivers. The ’school crossing’ sign seems to make them go faster.”

So, again, the sheriff sends out the county workers and they put up a new sign:



SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY

And that really sped them up. So the farmer called and called and called everyday for three weeks. Finally, he asked the sheriff, “Your signs are doing no good. Is it all right for me to put up my own sign?”

The sheriff told him, “Sure thing, put up your own sign.” He was going to let the farmer do just about anything in order to have him stop calling. Well, the sheriff got no more calls from the farmer.

Three weeks after the farmers last call, the sheriff decided to call him. “How’s the problem with those drivers. Did you put up your sign?”

“Oh, I sure did. And not one chicken has been killed since then. I’ve got to go. I’m very busy.” And he hung up the phone.

The sheriff thought to himself, “I’d better go to that farmer’s house and look at that sign… There might be something there that WE could use to slow down drivers.”

So the sheriff drove out to the farmer’s house, and he saw the sign. It was a whole sheet of plywood. And written in large yellow letters were the words:

SLOW: NUDIST COLONY










What Reaches the god first?





There was this teacher that had told her students that they were going to talk about what body part would make it first to heaven if they had died today.

One kid raised his hand and said “I think it’s going to be the heart because God has a good heart and that’s what he is going to except.”

The teacher said good Tommy, anyone else?

David raised his hand and said “He’s wrong because I now that it’s going to be the hands and feet because last night I walked into my parents rooom and I saw my mom with her hands and feet up in the air saying Oh God! Oh God, I’m Coming!”







Are My Testicles Black - a Joke





A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose.

A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.

“Nurse”, he mumbles, from behind the mask. “Are my testicles black?”

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, “I don’t know, Sir. I’m only here to wash your upper body and feet.”

He struggles to ask again, “Nurse, are my testicles black?”
Publish Post

Concerned that he may elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles in the other. Then, she takes a close look and says, “There’s nothing wrong with them, Sir!”

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, “Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very closely……

A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k?









How to do french kiss?





Here's How:

1. Set the scene. Make sure that the mood and time are right.
2. Relax! Take a deep breath and let go of any tension in your neck and shoulders.
3. Put your arms around the person you want to kiss.
4. Start off with a normal kiss, not too firm, not too aggressive. Closing your eyes is optional.
5. In mid kiss, gently open your mouth and softly nudge the other persons mouth open using your tongue.
6. Again, not too aggressively, move your tongue inside the other persons mouth and playfully touch their tounge.
7. Read the other persons body language, if they seem tense or start to pull away, stop what you are doing.
8. If they open their mouth more or otherwise indicate they like the kiss, keep on doing what you have been only with a little more passion.
9. As the kissing gets going saliva build up can be a problem, don't forget to swallow.
10. Make sure you keep your tongues relaxed but your lips tight (saliva again), you don't want the kiss to turn messy.




Tips:


1. Don't forget to breathe.
2. Since French Kissing is "wetter" than other kinds of kissing it is a good idea to start with dry lips, don't lick them first.
3. If one of you have braces you can still French Kiss, you just have to be more careful and not as forceful when things get passionate.
4. If both of you wear braces you can still French Kiss, you just have to be very gentle and avoid touching teeth.
5. French Kissing takes practice, but at least it is fun to practice this one!
Here's How:

1. Set the scene. Make sure that the mood and time are right.
2. Relax! Take a deep breath and let go of any tension in your neck and shoulders.
3. Put your arms around the person you want to kiss.
4. Start off with a normal kiss, not too firm, not too aggressive. Closing your eyes is optional.
5. In mid kiss, gently open your mouth and softly nudge the other persons mouth open using your tongue.
6. Again, not too aggressively, move your tongue inside the other persons mouth and playfully touch their tounge.
7. Read the other persons body language, if they seem tense or start to pull away, stop what you are doing.
8. If they open their mouth more or otherwise indicate they like the kiss, keep on doing what you have been only with a little more passion.
9. As the kissing gets going saliva build up can be a problem, don't forget to swallow.
10. Make sure you keep your tongues relaxed but your lips tight (saliva again), you don't want the kiss to turn messy.

Tips:



1. Don't forget to breathe.
2. Since French Kissing is "wetter" than other kinds of kissing it is a good idea to start with dry lips, don't lick them first.
3. If one of you have braces you can still French Kiss, you just have to be more careful and not as forceful when things get passionate.
4. If both of you wear braces you can still French Kiss, you just have to be very gentle and avoid touching teeth.
5. French Kissing takes practice, but at least it is fun to practice this one!

Maintain good memory when u are old

Three old ornery grandmas were sitting on a bench outside a nursing home. About then an old man walked by, and one of the old grandmas says, “We bet we can tell how old you are.”

The old man said, “There ain’t no way you can guess it.”

One of the ornery grandmas said, “Sure we can! Just drop your undershorts and we can tell your exact age.”

He did.

The grandmas stared at him for a while and then they all piped up and said, “You’re 84 years old!”

The old man was stunned. “Amazing! How did you guess that?”

The ornery old grandmas, laughed. Slapping their knees and grinning from ear to ear, all three happily yelled in unison, “You told us yesterday!








Jeeva rani




---Click here--- to download the Tamil Sex story "Jeeva rani"






Kaama Leelaigal





-------click here ----- to download the Tamil sex story "Kaama Leelaigal"






Taylor




----Click here---- to download the Tamil Sex story " Taylor"







Tution Teacher


Click here to download the Tamil Sex Story " Tutuion Teacher"





Tuesday, March 17, 2009

MINISCLUE ERECTION JOKE

A young man told his doctor that he was very embarrassed about the size of this penis and that potential sexual partners laughed at him.

On examination, the willie certainly was weenie. The doctor established that the man had no trouble appealing to women, talking with them, inviting them back to his apartment, or he to theirs.

He suggested that perhaps he should try undressing with the lights out and slowly introducing his potential partner’s hand to the smallish member so as not to shock.







The bloke thought it was worth a try as mates kept telling him size didn’t matter and he was loathe to undergo penile enlargement surgery.

That weekend an attractive young lady accepted his invitation back to his apartment… the lights very dimmed very low during passionate moments of undressing, the girls hand was guided towards the miniscule erection.

In the dark she whispered, “No thanks, I don’t smoke!”




POSITION FOR SEX DURING PREGNANCY







Question. My wife is six months pregnant. After intercourse she experiences lot of pain. Will the woman-on-top position be appropriate for us. Please help.


Answer. I suggest you try to enter from the rear while both of you are lying down. Do not try the woman-on-top position.





CHINEESE SEX






A Chinese man arranges for a hooker to come to his room for the evening. Once in the room they undress, climb into bed, and go at it.


When finished, the Chinese runs over to the window, takes a deep breath, dives under the bed, climbs out the other side, jumps back into the bed with the hooker and commences a repeat performance.

The hooker is impressed with the gusto of the second encounter.

When finished, the Chinese jumps up, runs over to the window, takes a deep breath, dives under the bed, climbs out the other side, jumps back into the bed with the hooker and starts again.

The hooker is amazed as this sequence is repeated four times.

During the fifth encore, she decides to try it herself. So when they were done she jumps up, goes to the window, and takes a deep breath of fresh air, dives under the bed,…and……finds four Chinese men.





CAN TABLETS TO DELAY THE PERIODS ?






Question. I have an important family function coming up and I would like to know if there are tablets to delay my periods. If so, could you tell me which ones to have and when?


Answer. You can consider attending the function even when you have your periods. The old view that your menstrual cycles make you dirty and impure no longer hold good. Ask your doctor for an oral contraceptive which you would have to take daily till the completion of the function. If taken close to the last period, the tablet is likely to give you a delayed period.